Closing our emotions

I been through many things in my very short life, but I remember my progression. I used to be very open to my emotions, very keen to open up to anyone and very keen to fall in love. Sadly I got older, the more people I met the more closed I became; I started to realise that the more people I met the less I wanted to share. Social interaction taught me that people didn’t like emotions.

I became concerned with how to attract women and being an unattractive guy this wasn’t easy. I read books which taught me tricks. I started to hang out with people who simply got it right. For me it was more about learning “the game” and a huge learning curve.

However, the more I went out and the more girls I met the more closed I became. The first time your heart is broken, you cry tears of hurt and possibly shame. The second time you heart gets broken you get upset, after that you start to think that love is a crock and ultimately end up thinking that love is a load of rubbish.

It’s sad to say that I stopped believing in love for a while; I became cold, cold as ice. I started to understand why certain girls acted the way they did. It became meaningless. The worst part about the whole thing was the more I stopped caring the more successful I became, I have heard and read countless stories of, “players” who use and abuse women. What’s sad is the fact that these people have lost the plot, I can only comment because I was in a similar situation.

We are living in a time where bigger is better, the more the merrier and my personal favourite, go large or go home. How many of us want nice things, flash cars and big houses. These wonderful displays of materialism seem to be applying to our counter parts. How many girls want rich boyfriends with hot bodies and how many boys want hot blond girls with big boobs, and when the model gets old we replace it.

Have we lost track of what is important?

Some people understand the difference between wants and needs, and the line between them. Lately I have been forced to understand the difference, not only in work but also in my emotional well being. I’ve started to look back when I was young and naive and I’m realising that if I had the choice I would go back. Well not back in time but back to that frame of mind, when I was young things were simply black and white, right and wrong with no exception. My needs were simple, I knew what I needed and I worked to achieve them. Love was pure, uncomplicated and there weren’t hidden agendas and mixed messages.

Times are changing around us at an alarming rate, people are taking strain. It’s time we look to what’s important and move away from the rubbish. I’ve had to catch a wake up and look at who are my real friends and who contribute to my life.

My current situation has also forced me to rely on God a lot more for comfort, as well as my support structure. We all need support structures in place. Not only on a financial level, although those would be nice, but we need people who we can share with.

A few of my thoughts...

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I’m getting stressed are you?

I started to feel the effects of stress recently in my life realising I have been getting sick lately, Thus I decided to find out a little more about the subject.

The first thing about stress is that all stress isn’t bad. Some stress is actually very good for you,
let’s face it, we all seem to work a little harder when we are stressed and we often achieve a lot more then we previously believed we could. In other words stress can keep us on our toes.

“The stress response is the body’s way of protecting you. When working properly, it helps you stay focused, energetic, and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save your life – giving you extra strength to defend yourself, for example, or spurring you to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident.”

However I think I’m going to focus on the other kind of stress for this blog. Negativity is starting to spread across our lives, people are losing their jobs and people are taking strain thus I thought it was a relevant subject.

Firstly, what is stress?

According to an article I read; “Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way.” And as we know this could be anything, the fear of losing your job, the fear of breaking up with your partner, the fear of moving to a new town or school or for example being told something unexpected, to name a few.

Stress should not be taken lightly. The effects of stress can cause your body serious harm, for example; It can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed up the aging process. Long-term stress can even rewire the brain, leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

It should be clear to everyone that these symptoms are not minor.

So how much stress is too much stress?

I recently felt as though I was reaching a climax in terms of my stress levels, I was starting to fall ill and I was struggling to sleep. It’s important to take a time out once in a while, separate yourself from the hustle and bustle. It’s important to learn how to recognize when your stress levels are out of control. The most dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up on you. You get used to it and It starts to feel normal. You don’t notice how much it’s affecting you, even as it takes a heavy toll.

Some warning signs include

Memory problems, inability to concentrate, poor judgment, seeing only the negative, anxious or racing thoughts, constant worrying, moodiness, irritability or short temper, agitation, inability to relax, feeling overwhelmed, sense of loneliness and isolation, depression or general unhappiness, Aches and pains, diarrhoea or constipation, nausea, dizziness, chest pain, rapid heartbeat, loss of sex drive, frequent colds.

You may feel like the stress in your life is out of your control, but you can always control the way you respond. Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. Stress management involves changing the stressful situation when you can, changing your reaction when you can’t, taking care of yourself, and making time for rest and relaxation.

Guys think about your life and realise that sometimes we can’t do everything, managing your time better will reduce your stress. For example I used to rush to work every day and feel overwhelmed when I got there. So by the time I have to do my first tasks for the day I was already feeling the pressure. To combat this I have taken the attitude of leaving work a half hour earlier allowing me to relax in the car on my way. Now if I get stuck in a traffic jam I don’t have to stress about being late because I will still be at work on time and if I arrive early I have a jump on the day. An extra half hour to have a cup of tea and relax before getting stuck in.

We need to talk about it, if you are having trouble with something and you feel your life is out of balance or control, go to a friend or a relative and tell them about it. Bottling up, yes it works, it defuses it eventually, a lot of people believe bottling up will cause you to explode they are wrong. Studdies have shown eventually it works however it does take longer and the more you do it the less inclined you are to open up to anybody, which then increases your stress level if you are being stressed out on a regular basis and over a long period of time.

Stop and think about why you are stressed is it necessary, a lot of people get stressed over insignificant things, think to yourself, is my stress justified? If not, then take a deep breath and relax for a moment, this will radically reduce your stress levels.

We all have stress the key is to control it, find a method that works for you and use it. You’re already on your way to living a better longer life.

Well guys here are some thoughts I hope I have helped you get through another day a little happier. If you have any comments they are most welcome and if you would like to be a follower of this blog please feel free to join.

Time to start waking up

Recession time has hit us. South Africa was until recently being relatively unaffected, but clearly this will not continue. The SABC has announced that they have become dependent on government subsidies to sustain themselves as they have taken a R700 million loan. Old mutual found itself in trouble recently announcing that they have used their reserve to recover losses.

People are being retrenched all over the world and the country. Companies have put the alarm bells on and have stopped expanding and have stopped employing, yes the future looks pretty bleak. However there are a few select companies who are doing fantastically. Gijima for example had an 83% profit growth this year, car tracking companies have been on the up and up.
What does the recession mean for us?

It means opportunities have to be found because they are not going to land in our laps anymore. I got sent a quote the other day which read, “Opportunities are never lost, they are simply taken by someone else.” Go out and make it happen, I’ll be honest although the recession has caused uncertainty in my life, it has also brought me great hope. Five years ago I was thinking that it would be impossible for me to buy a house, now with the prices going down I think I have actually have a chance. The interest rate has dropped as well, which means I pay less for car and less for my credit card. These are all positives.

We need to continue, we need to keep moving. The whole problem is that everyone is slowing, people have stopped trading and are holding on to what they have. The problem with this is it slows down the whole process. Trade would be fine if people simply continued. In my opinion this is a media generated recession, Although on a personal note it’s about time that executives started to realise that they have been paying themselves too much.

My company has recently been doing damage control and have started to look for new opportunities as a backup plan, we need to have contingencies for ourselves, and we need to grab at opportunities. A friend of mine has started nine to fiving while he owns his own business. He is basically saying stuff you recession, I’ll be fine.

Have you woken up. Hard work will always bring success, laziness and negatively will achieve nothing. What are you doing to secure your future, are you indispensable?


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Fishing on the beach

There is a very well known story of a man who was fishing on a beach, when a businessman came up to him and asked why he didn’t use a net? The fisherman replied with, why would I use a net? The businessman replied, well if you use a net you could catch more fish and save money to buy a boat. “Then what” Replied the fisherman. Well then you could catch more fish, save more money and buy more boats until you have a fleet of boats. “Then what” replied the fisherman. Then you can retire... when the fisherman cut in and said “then I can stand on the beach and fish”.

Why do we go to work every day? I was talking to my colleagues the other day and they were talking about what they would do if they won a heap of cash. Some said they would start an orphanage others talked about travelling the world. This got me thinking, I realised I had no idea what I would do. What would you do?

This also got me asking the question, why do we work so hard when happiness can be found without having the nicest car or the flashiest house? There was an advert on the radio a while ago which talked about selling cokes on the beach and making that your business. Some people do it, I have seen many people working and having a perfectly adequate life selling food at parties or clothing at raves etc, now although these people are a bunch of hippies they are happy.
So what makes us happy?

How is failure or success measured? Is success measured by personal growth and satisfaction or is success measured by the perception of others. In other words, is failure measured by not being yourself and it depends entirely in the eyes of your peers?

How often do we do things purely because it seems like the right thing to do or because society is telling us this is how it’s supposed to be? We are taught at varsity to think out of the box. What I find amazing is that we have to be taught to think out of the box. You often hear we can learn from children. Why is that? We were children once, then we were taught to only think in the box and then when we are old enough we are allowed to think out of the box.

Here in lies the problem, some people don’t learn to think out of the box, they simply do the ‘robot- sheep’ thing and do what they are told. They never truly find what really makes then happy. Have you ever heard someone complaining about not being able to do something for whatever reason, or have you ever found yourself complaining that life is constantly against you. What is stopping us from being happy? Why do we always crave more? When is enough?

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